This page just contains some puns I’ve come up with.
- I came up with a joke about organ meat. I’m not going to post it, though, because it’s just an offal pun.
- How do you know that judges make a lot of money?
They’re always making it arraign.
- A country filled with deer isn’t very productive. It would just be Stag Nation.
- Emacs is a terminal disease.
- German cars are so inquisitive. They always go “Warum! Warum!”.
- Why did the shower scrubber have no friends?
It was kind of a loofah.
- I had a rough time doing cardio this morning. My just heart wasn’t in it.
- Why do teenaged Tumblr users always use heaping tablespoons?
Because they literally can’t even.
- My boss told me that we needed streaming data, so I took the hard drive in my kayak with me.
- What do you call it when Luke Skywalker’s robot malfunctions and he takes an alternate route?
- Did you hear about the new mandatory arts program in Italy styled after The Godfather? They’re making an opera you can’t refuse.
- What instrument is featured in New Orleans funerals?
The bury sax.
- Bedienung: “Welches Getränk möchten Sie?”
Bedienung: “Ja, das ist die Frage…”
- 2-door cars are taking over the market. It’s a coupe!
- Do you know why the cyclist wasn’t happy with his ride down the mountain?
Because it wasn’t a great ride… it was just descent.
- What does the Captain of the Enterprise wear when he gets chilly?
A Captain Pi-cardigan.
- Why are French chefs good mystery writers?
They can always thicken the plot with some clever rouxs.
- What do Hungarian ghosts prefer to eat?
- If you have a stress fracture, you skip your run and take a rest day. Your legs are ready for a break.
- What herb do you put in your soup for an explosive flavor?
Michael Bay leaves.
- What is it called when the sandpaper grit count isn’t precise?
A rough estimate.
- A font walked into a saloon and announced, “There’s a new serif in town!”
- Why was the study about root permissions rejected from the peer reviewed journal?
It was just sudo science.
- My friend told that he had a cool skill, the ability to detect flatbread anywhere around him. I told him that was just naan-sense.
- Did you hear about the guy who made a belt out of his herbs? It fell apart right away and was a waste of his thyme.
- Taking insects across international borders make me feel like an import-ant person.
- Did you hear about the comedian who was a good person? He’s a real standup guy.
- How does Chuck Taylor communicate with people? He Converses with them.
- What wood are seats usually made out of? Chair-y.
- It’s hard to tell when an undertaker gets a chest cold because either way, they’re coffin all day.
- What beer do lumberjacks prefer? Lagers.
- Why couldn’t the group of sheep sneak up on anyone? Because whatever they did, they were always herd.
- Why can Google hear cars approaching from far away?
Because they have really good engine ears.
- I’m not very good at wood carving, I just know a whittle bit.
- How do libraries categorize their books on fungus?
With the Mildewey Decimal System.
- I bought whole bean coffee, but I dropped it on the floor. Now I have ground coffee.
- What do you call a competition where baristas have to make 10 different coffee drinks, all without caffeine? A decaf-alon.
- Classes about fasteners are riveting.
- My friend asked me if I could tell them the difference between normal butter and clarified butter. I replied, “No whey!”
- When the judge was grading book reports, what did they give?
A summary judgment.
- I got a parking ticket and decided to frame it… it’s fine artwork.
- I tried making latte art.
It was a pretty pour effort.
- Eugenia (my wife) has a really good memory, but she got mad when I told her she was Miss Remembering.
- If you battle with plantar fasciitis, is it your…. arch nemesis?
- Holmes explaining that the angles sum to 90 degrees: “it’s complementary my dear Watson”
- My toothpaste was disappointed that it fell off the counter. It was Crest fallen.