We should always be supporting each other, but it feels particularly important right now. An election just finished in the US, which means that half the country lost and has to face the coming changes. In particular, this is a scary time for many folks who have been targets in the past couple of years, with escalating legislation against access to gender-affirming care.

So, what do we do concretely right now to help each other? This has two parts: what folks need, and how best to help meet those needs. I hope this list helps everyone see that none of us is powerless, and each of us has things we can do, today, to make a difference. If you're affected by recent events, you can keep this list handy as an answer when someone asks "what can I do to support you?"

What folks might need right now

• Some slack. When folks are afraid, it's very hard to sustain excellent work output. Right now, people might be in need of some slack and latitude in what they're doing.

• Commitments for access to gender-affirming care. Many states have already passed laws restricting access to gender-affirming care, with Florida being perhaps the worst. This seems like a likely priority at the federal level, as well. Most Americans get our insurance through our employers, so it's not something we have a lot of choice over. We need to know that, even if it's not covered by the insurance company, that our employer will cover this care for us.

• Commitments for access to reproductive healthcare. There is a risk of restrictions on access to everything ranging from birth control to vasectomies to abortions. This will be targeted at a state level and at the federal level. Just as with gender-affirming care, it's important to know that employers cover this care for us and provide as much assistance as they can.

• Remote work. This is important because if folks are living in an area that restricts access to medical care, they may have to relocate. Among other reasons that it's always a good idea, it's especially important now. This means remote work, not just a hybrid model, because it may become unsafe to travel in some areas.

• Help with moving. Some people might have to relocate to areas which allow them access to necessary care. This is disruptive and expensive even in the best of times, let alone now! Uprooting your life and leaving friends and family is scary—and people will have to do it when legislatures pass restrictive laws. They'll move to states (or countries) which have more access to the care they need. This bucket includes: help with loading a truck, financial assistance with the move, or just time off for the move itself.

• Benefits for their partners/families. Just as gender-affirming care is at risk, same-sex marriage is also in the sights for some. The Supreme Court has signaled willingness to overturn it, and it could become back to states. If that happens, families could lose their health care if their coverage is revoked. So, we need our employers to reassure us that if that comes to pass, their benefits aren't going away, and the company will continue to cover them and their families.

• Access to lawyers for help with documents, to safeguard marriage rights. There is reason to think same-sex marriage may be targeted. While some of that will be out of our control, we can draft documents to put together the rights that typically come with marriage. This includes wills (so your possessions pass to your spouse, usually a given from marriage), power of attorney, etc. This helpful thread on mastodon has more details, but it is not cheap ($3,000 for the linked example). If we lose this as a guarantee from the government, we'll need help with both the financial side of this and with figuring out the logistics of it all.

• Visible, loud support. It is very important that all those who support our rights continue to do so in a visible way. We need folks to continue posting, showing up at rallies, calling elected representatives. We need folks to keep standing up for queer folks who are harassed in public, asking that bully, "hey, what's your problem?" Visible, loud support helps us know that we're supported, and it helps our elected representatives know that stripping our rights was not the point of this election.

• Being listened to and advocated for. I have had quite a few people reach out to me asking if I'm okay, and expressing concern for my safety now. It is healing to know that so many people have enough love for me that they want to check in and make sure I'm okay. This is something everyone can do. You can lend an ear to listen to concerns and worries, then go advocate for solutions in your community, state, country.

How you can help

What you can do directly to help depends a lot on the position you're in. We can each do something, and all of it counts.

• Executive of a company. If you're in the top leadership of a company, then you have the most power here. You probably cannot make unilateral decisions—even the CEO reports to someone, the board. But you have the most power of anyone at the company, and you can use this.

  Take this power and use it to put your values into action. If you've told your employees you care about them, show them with concrete, decisive action to protect their rights here. As an executive, you can either directly decide these issues, or you are peers with those who can. And if they refuse to do it? You can threaten to strike or walk away, even as a single individual, because as an executive you hold a large bargaining chip.

• Manager. If you run a team, then you can probably do many things on this list. You can't directly give commitments for healthcare, but you can pressure your top leadership to do so. You can certainly cut your employees some slack, and let them know that if they need time to heal it's not going to be a problem in their performance reviews. If you are involved in the budget process, then you may have some flexibility to allocate funds toward these expenses, too.

  Once again, if there's no action from top management on these, you can let them know that it's a deal-breaker for you. That if the company doesn't respect its employees, you might not be among them. If you have privilege, this is a powerful way to wield it. Why accumulate social capital if you're never willing to spend it for the most vulnerable?

• Individual contributor. You can't effect change in the company directly. But you can use two techniques very powerfully: advocacy and collective action.

  You can advocate to upper management. This is very important to do, because they need to know about these issues in order to do anything about them. And it's very helpful to have someone do this who is not part of the affected marginalized group, since it both shows that it's not just a "oh give me something" action and it also is a way of lessening the burden on an already overstressed group.

  And you can organize collective action. I've done this a couple of times at work, and we produced small but real change. Each time, the basic approach I took was: reflect on what I am concerned about and what we want; talk to people and see if they share my concerns; if they do, see if they'll sign a letter talking about our concerns; present the letter to leadership, with a critical mass. If you're a senior individual contributor, collective action should be right up your alley. It leverages the skills you need to do engineering leadership: listening, managing up, and gathering support.

• Friend. You can be a lifeline for your friends. Reach out and see how they're doing. (To all those who've reached out to me: I love you, thank you.) Advocate for them and support them, and be loud about it.

  Help them load the truck. Find a lawyer for their document updates. Do the research on where might be safe.

  Most of all, keep on loving them and holding them.

There's probably more. I hope there's more that can be done. But this is what I've got right now.

If you're hurting right now, know that I am, too. I'm tired, and scared, and defiant.

When FIDE, the international governing body of chess, tried to exclude trans women from women's chess, my response was simple. I became active in my local chess club again, and I became a tournament director. I became visible as a trans woman in chess. That was a little different, since FIDE doesn't have any control over my life or my rights.

But I live in a community that supports me, with a family that supports me. I'm going to continue to live my best life to be good representation, if I can be. I'm going to keep writing, and keep making art, and keep making music. And I hope that together, we can get through this with as little harm as possible.

Thank you to two anonymous friends who gave me feedback on earlier drafts of this post. I usually attribute people directly (after asking their permission), but this post is more sensitive than many, and I don't want anyone to be at risk from that.